You know what they say about assuming….

During a recent conversation with my dad, he thought it a bit strange that after telling me his story about a neighbor with a 1 year old who was about to deliver twins, I would react with a fervent “oh *bleep* that’s like my worst nightmare!” But I think I may understand the misconception that he has of me, as I’ve encountered this before. It’s the idea that just because I am a mother, that I have a child, I should love children and want to have more.

[Excuse me while I wipe the tears from my eyes after that loud fit of laughter.]

Naturally, I am quite fond of children, and have always known that I wanted to be a mother. I babysat often in my teen years, and while I certainly had my favorites, I also had those whose parent’s would call and I suddenly wanted to jump off a cliff just to get out of it. When I worked a county parks & recreation job one summer where I had to watch over a particular city park for a few hours while providing activities and crafts, I learned something important about myself. I adopted favorites. I treated them well and almost always took their side. But to those who had crossed me, I let whatever they had done shape how they were treated for the entire summer. They annoyed me. I held grudges. I probably doled out a few unfair judgements. Life lesson: never work with children.

Now that I have a child of my own who has grown out of the more “forgiving” baby stage, and therefore has friends that have as well, I realize I haven’t changed much. Just because I have a kid, it does not mean I will like your kid. Or want to take on watching 3 or 100 kids, even for an hour. By the time they start learning wrong from right and can communicate with more than drool and cries, they start showing off that little person that I either warm to immediately or really don’t want to deal with. It’s a bit like I look at them how I would adults. I get my initial read off them, and my feelings will then change over time, based on their good or bad behavior. And the bad behavior I tend to hold against them. Also, the more children there are in a closed environment, depending on my mental state for the day, the more agitated or annoyed I will be. I don’t find them all to be wonderfully charming and full of such vital energy (though I agree they’ve cornered the market on that one), not even my own child, who we are sure to take aside when he’s acting up. Chuck E. Cheese and I should probably never meet up in a dark alleyway, and overcrowded amusement parks leave me packing for the sanitarium at the end of the day. The reason I do not want to volunteer to be in charge of a bunch of kids is: I don’t want to lose my shit in front of your “darlings”.

On the subject of actually having any more children, that one should never be harped on. Among the many things I’ve learned about myself over the years, this seems very plausible: I have the choice between being the anxious/emotional/half-crazed GOOD mom to ONE child or a severely depressed/certifiably crazy BAD mother to a FEW children. Add in cost of living, making a marriage and family work and knowing that just because you give your child a sibling it doesn’t guarantee a beautiful bonding experience, and it makes the decision not to have more that much easier.

So to anyone still unclear as to why I am not having anymore children:  I’m the one that has to raise them, not you. You’ve got enough to do over their with your own. And you’ve got to whip them into shape if I’m going to like them.

 

Soccer Saturdays

Ok, I once stated that T-ball was the greatest thing ever. It’s short, the kids are overly excited, and they have no idea what they are doing.

Apparently, Pee Wee Soccer is no different.

For the non Pee Wee Soccer person, the game consists of 2 eight minute halves where the two teams try their hardest to keep the ball in bounds and get it into the correct net. But there’s no keeping score. I’m sure I had a problem with this idea (the Everyone-Is-A-Winner attitude) before I reached the stage of experiencing the 4 and 5 year old’s mindset, and now I’m very much behind it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m only behind it at this stage, where they are just trying to get a handle on how to play these sports. Once they move on to the next level, I definitely think it’s about time to learn that winning and losing is an inevitable part of life. Still, our team did score 2 goals right off the bat! Kieran’s friend Jimmy, who was about to throw in the towel pretty early on because of dirt and lack of cold water, did a damn fine job getting our first goal. Didn’t I say they try their best to get it to (hopefully) their goal? Oh yes, they do. The WHOLE team does their best. A giant gaggle of 5 year olds all running up and down the field, tripping and smacking the ball off each other is fun that just doesn’t last long enough for us parents.

Actually, I am going to brag. Kieran was one of the few that listened to the coach during the game, and hung back to play defense. He did so well, he scored himself the ultimate player of the game award! I will admit it, I was so proud watching him play. He used to be, and still can be, one of the shyest kids around.

Just call me Soccer Mom D. I’ll be bringing the orange slices on my scheduled date in November. Who knows, maybe by then we’ll have that mini-van.

 

LA School of Global Studies hosts College & Career Day

I was asked to volunteer for a College & Career Day event last week and I wasn’t sure of the reason I said yes, especially knowing I’d have to take off an entire day of work using my precious vacation or sick time. The selfish part of me probably thought I’d have a chance to tell really young kids what I do in the hopes it would sound extremely cool and glamorous; the exact opposite of what it really is. But I also felt this urge to do something good for these students, after finding out that this was a brand new school built in downtown LA to deal with overcrowding, but much more forward thinking than the usual public school. And many of these kids were to be the first in their family to go to college, or some kind of schooling after high school.

What I didn’t find out, until I started interviewing these students, is that for many of them, they were the first in their family to graduate high school. And the seniors I had the privilege to speak to, were so very proud of themselves to have achieved this.

The morning started off with some coffee and munchies in a classroom set up as a “break room” for all the professionals that came in to participate. Walking through the halls was strange—it was as if my high school days were creeping back in my mind even though this school looked nothing like the one I had attended. Kids were looking us up and down, smiling to help point us in the right direction, snickering to their friends to be cool. I’ll admit it, I was nervous to talk to them. It wasn’t any preconcieved notion of their behavior that frightened me. I could only think, what if I really blow this? What if I have no good advice for them? I’m a white girl from PA, who was taught that after high school comes college, and my family, although not rich, was able to set up a student loan for an inexpensive bachelors and masters degree state school. I rarely worked hard in any of my high school subjects, and my little ole SAT score, though embarrassing to me upon meeting other professionals, was enough to get me into my school of choice. I moved to LA on a whim and got lucky getting my first job at a magazine publishing company that wanted someone fresh out of school with no experience. What one thing did I even have in common with these intercity kids?

Frankly, I ended up asking them all the questions on the handout we were given, and tried to give them the advice I’d give anyone planning on going on to college. I found there was something that linked a few of us: they wanted to go to school but didn’t know yet what they wanted to do. Perfect, I thought. I hadn’t known a thing about what direction to take my schooling when I started so I worked on my gen-ed requirements and took a couple of classes that sounded interesting. Mass Communications is what hooked me into choosing a Comm/Journ major in Radio/TV. I had taken so many art and graphic design classes that I tacked on an Art Minor. My advice was go in there and try everything you can that you are interested in. Don’t make a decision right away, and don’t feel bad about it.

At the end of the day I was very exhausted from the interviews, the career panel I had also been on and the noise of youth. After parking the car in the garage, settling into the couch and putting my feet up, all I could think was, I’m so ready to do that again!

 

Update (So totally fucked up)

So how’s this for a turn of events?

It turns out the School Board was having a problem releasing the statements/transcripts of the case against the boys accused of sexual harassment. Their parents finally get them, only to find out the accuser claims the boys placed their genitals on his face. No one but the accuser, his parents and the school board knew this. The two accused nor their parents were aware of these claims. As I said before in my long tirade, they were only called in to be told their children were being expelled for sexual harassment because a boy complained about the photo of the butt in his face.

The two accused, now hearing what they are really accused of, come out with their tale of the weekend in it’s entirety. It turns out, the night before the photo was taken, the “victim” was placing one of the other boys’ headphones on his scrotum and then rubbing them all over his face. These 2 boys decided, as retaliation, to take the infamous “butt in face” photo the next night. They had only told their parents they were “being stupid” when they got in trouble for the photo, possibly not wanting to revel the previous nights “activities” or not wanting to let on that they were taking revenge.

Whether any of this is true or not, the fact remains this: the school board never sat down with them all to hear the entire story, only relying on one side.

Yes, obviously one of the accused is someone I know, so you can take it all with a grain of salt because I have sympathy for one particular side here. But the hard facts are, that will all come out as different media &  lawyers have been contacted, is that only one side of this story was listened to and from that, harsh punishment was doled out to two young boys who are shaking in their shoes right now at the idea of starting this “Correctional school” on Monday.

 

Serious crime? Seriously?

Can I ask a minute of your time for an honest opinion about something?

Say there is this 13 year old boy. He’s a good student. He might be a little mouthy to his parents at times, nothing more than most kids his age. He’s not perfect, but deep down he is a very good kid, with a big heart who has excellent grades.
Now say he’s on a school trip that takes a group of students his age away from home for a couple days. The purpose of this trip is not what is important. Later that evening, this boy is sharing a hotel room with a few others. One of them falls asleep, and the others are still awake. And bored. They start taking stupid pictures with one kid’s camera phone. They are still bored and are feeling cheeky (gasp! a pun!). They decide to play a stupid prank by having this boy’s hindquarters photographed near the sleeping kid’s face. A very close moon caught on another teens camera phone.

Fast forward to after the trip when the sleeping kid tells his parents and the parents decide to press charges, causing a world of trouble for this boy and his parents. His parents look into a lawyer. Next thing we know, this boy is expelled from his school for sexual harassment. Yes, you read that right, sexual harassment for a stupid prank that there is evidence of because they idiotically took a picture. Oh, I did mention that they are 13, right?

My beef is this: I understand handing out punishment. If the sleeping kid who got pranked wanted to tell his parents because he didn’t want the photo to get out, didn’t want the embarrassment, I sympathize. And so I can visualize all the parents getting together and talking about some form of punishment for the two pranksters. But pressing charges? Has it really come to that? Involving wasted time and money over something that was just two teens being complete idiots? And what about the school board, who apparently didn’t listen to presented evidence, or hear from both sides of this story, just went ahead and expelled this boy, putting sexual harassment on his otherwise clean and academically sound school records. They also assigned him to some juvie-type detention school for kids that actually DID harmfully harass other kids along with sell drugs, etc. Does the punishment really fit the crime?

I guess it’s pretty obvious that for me, no it does not. I am deeply saddened to hear that the “pranked” boy has been getting harrassed and made fun of at school over all of this. But when our “prankster’s” mother asked the Principal if any action was taken against those kids, he had no response. Ah, well. I fear for the future of the “pranked” boy. I do hope if he goes to college he doesn’t plan to go out drinking much, or get too chummy with the guys in the dorms or, dearie me, join a fraternity!

To think of all the times in my own childhood I, or my friends, could have gotten others expelled! Feel bad for me, people, when I had to live with a rumor spread around about me involving “rubber gloves” and the nickname “jack handy” for an entire school year, and was subjected to finding actual rubber gloves left on my desk or near my locker. And pity the poor guy in college who, after a night of hard partying, awoke unknowingly to his face covered in lipsticks and eyeshadows, and walked past the party stragglers on his way to the bathroom. Oh the taunts! Or think of my girlfriend, who blossomed into a D cup at age, well, 13, and was branded with the name “Dolly” for many years of her high school life. Or the poor girl who was in a group photo documenting a band outing, perched on the back of a bus seat, legs askew, wearing white shorts and very obviously on her period! And that was published by the school! Oh the horror!

And what about you? Was your childhood perfect? Did you deal with a bit of teasing or being pranked yourself? My point is not that any of this is right, it’s not. These kids could use a bit of strict punishment and some poignant lessons about life. But is this punishment what this boy needs, a boy that I can’t stress enough has never been in trouble and is a very good student, someone you wouldn’t view as having “no potential”, but is only 13 and does not always use common sense? Because what 13 year old does?

 

Halloween and in between

Oh Halloween.

Kieran was introduced to actual trick or treat-ing this season with excellent results. (Lots of fun size chocolates for mommy! Score!) He and his friend Jimmy did a pretty good job demanding TRICK or TREAT, though I’m not sure what they would have done had anyone actually chosen trick. Call them a big fat poo poo head? Jump up and down on their couch until the springs broke? Maybe wiped boogers all over their door. That’s what I would’ve suggested.

The gem of the evening came when Jimmy realized that the Wonder Woman handing out the candy at the last house was, in fact, not a woman.

Jimmy: Guys! That Wonder Woman is a BOY! Not a girl!
(J’s Dad, Mom and I turn away and can’t control our laughter. Or embarrassment)

Jimmy’s mom: It’s ok. Shhhhhh.

Jimmy: But it’s a BOY! In Wonder Woman’s outfit! But why?

Jimmy’s mom: Well, Halloween is a time when you can be ANYTHING you want to be. Anything at all.

Jimmy, thinking hard about this: But dressing up in sexy girl clothes? I don’t know about that!

Kieran, holding my hand: Mommy, what is so funny?

———————-

After leaving Kieran at Jimmy’s, I headed off to prepare for a more adult Halloween: Our first Halloween party in ages. Rice was that damn Burger King King. I was something simply irresistible.

 

Blog Therapy #4: Parental Gripes

I never thought the twos should be labeled terrible. I braced myself, and thought the threes were going to become terrible. But folks, NOW we’ve entered that other dimension. A dimension that’s slowly driving me out of my mind. There’s the signpost up head: we’ve arrived: The TERRIBLE FOURS!

Kieran has turned into a whining, complaining, fit throwing monster-kid. He’s like me around my time of the month, only every single day. He had his first meltdown since he was 2 in the grocery store recently because I refused him a Hot Wheels car. Before this, he might whine slightly, or pout with his thumb in his mouth, then suddenly be distracted by something else and become chipper and talkative again. Not now, in THE TERRIBLE FOURS! With every no comes back talk (“Don’t say no, mommy!” “Stop that!” “YES!” “I want to!!”) With every gentle urge to help clean up or to stop playing with his penis for five minutes, comes endless whining or a loud “NO!!”. No more helping him dress or he fiercely grabs his clothes and yells, “I CAN DO IT!” Try to talk to him seriously about his behavior and he walks away, or crumples to the floor, or turns in the other direction and sulks. Let him scream and cry it out in his room and he’s back there again in no time. Oh, and accidentally bump him, and he’ll say, “Say you are SORRY to me, mommy.”

I feel like I’ve turned into this monstrous witch, who is constantly growling, snarling, yelling, pointing fingers, and having to punish this once incredibly lovable and inquisitive little boy. He’s always gotten into some trouble here and there and received punishment, so I do not believe it’s any lack of rearing. We’ve just found ourselves suddenly thrust into unknown territory, that, as I scour the web, I find is all too common. Whew. At least I feel better that I’m not the only mom-demon out there.

What kills is that he’s perfectly well-mannered, jovial, and listens intently at the day care. That Ya-Ya’s got to have some funny tricks up her sleeves….

 

D & Kieran have dinner….

A Very Excited Kieran: Mommy, can I try your salad?

A Very Shocked D: Really? You want to try salad?? Sure, my good man, you go right ahead.

I LOVE salad. ‘Cuz I’m four.

Honey, you can love salad until you are one hundred and four.

No I’m just four mommy! And you? Are you Five? or Sixteen?

HA! HA! HA! That’s random. I’m thirty-TWO! (Snorts loudly)

Mommy, stop that.

 

And now a scene where D wants to bitch-slap another mother.

My son is only four. We’ve rarely had to deal with other parents because he’s not in any kind of play groups where moms get together or any organized sports. The only “other parents” we encounter are at the park or from the daycare. So far, the daycare parents we’ve met seem pretty cool.

Then came the other parents I’ve been waiting to officially encounter, and not just overhear on the playground. It was at a birthday party this past Saturday. Earlier in the week, I’d run into a mom who had a son in the same daycare, but took him out over 6 months ago.  I will give her this: she’s a very warm, incredibly friendly person, though a bit hippy-ish with all her books on crystals and energies in the bathroom, the animal farm in her 2 bedroom house (cats, a part timberwolf dog, tortoise, and 2 chinchillas) and all the eclectic furniture pieces (hand carved Indonesian wood doors to the hallway was her mother’s day present).  She invited us to her sons party, stressing heavily the fact that there is a pirate ship in the back yard.  I’d heard of this homemade pirate ship before, and that alone stoked my desire to check out this kids shindig.

We arrive, meet the animals, get the tour, have some wine and food, and sure enough, there’s a kid sized pirate ship in the back yard 2 stories high complete with masts and sails, the helm, and comfy benches below deck to hang with your buds and say “arrrgh.” We meet a few guests and get asked how we know the hosts. Almost every time we say our kids used to go to the same daycare, we get asked where our son is going to school now.

“He’s still at the same day care,” we reply, but after a few times, I suddenly wonder if I am just still ill, or am I really getting a strange vibe off these people?

Then another woman arrives who also used to have her son (also Kieran’s age) at the daycare. The host asks if we remember eachother, and we do, though not our names. Then she asks, “So, where does Kieran go to school now?”
“Oh he’s still at Ya Ya’s,” I say.
“Still?!” she spurts, with such surprise, I thought she might drop the baby she was carrying on her hip.   “How old IS he?”
“Well, he’s four…” I stammer, not sure what to say to this.  Now she quickly tries to cover.
“Oh well, Ya Ya teaches them a lot. I guess…what more do you need?”
“Right. Heh heh.”
The conversation was pretty much over after that. I got away as fast as I could.

What I really wish I could have said, with so much seriousness it would’ve been a slap in the face, was, “Well,  I guess he could be studying Latin, painting a masterpiece and solving quadratic equations, but really. we decided to go easy on him. He’s FOUR!”

I knew they were out there. We’ve overheard their talk about schools and teachings and learnings and special this and embrace that and oh hell, I’m gonna be sick. But here was my first direct encounter.

 

The rest of the summer schedule…..

Coming up:

Birthday party
4 year old’s dream party: pirates, cowboys and cars all in one. Down the street from Sony Studios. I feel so…in the ‘biz.

Beach party
Kieran’s friend decided to have his mom arrange a beach party. They have a blue cabana and stripped umbrellas. We love stripped umbrellas.

The Dark Knight
Oh hell, I’m not missing out seeing this movie. The ONE movie I want to see in theaters this summer. My total geek is showing.

Housewarming party
A new rockin’ house deserves a rockin’ housewarming party. And lots of jealous laser beams shooting from our eyes. But hey, we can bring the kid!

Me First & the Gimmie Gimmie @ House Of Blues
Alas, no Punk Rock Karaoke opening up this time. But we’re going out with  C & C again (the couple not the Music Factory). They just better do Over The Rainbow.

Mom Visits
Yay, Mom! And a babysitter. No wait….MOM! Can’t wait to see mom!

San Diego
Gotta drive mom down to SD to see her other grandchild (we know which one is more important. )

Company Picnic
Geez, do I have to? Well, if we’re having too much fun in San Diego…oops! We might just miss it.

X-Games
Rice is determined to go this year. I think we’re only able to check out the Skateboard Vert Women’s Final. HA HA. AWESOME!

Sunset Junction
Bands & heat & vintage & bands & heat & vintage. Who am I kidding, I’ve never been, just lived vicariously thru my friends. This year, I wanna see the Cold War Kids. I will survive the bands, the heat, the vintage.

And then?

Kiki & Andre’s Wedding!!!
Thank you summer, and goodnight.